Sorry for the lack of posting.  I had a rather horrendous move from Philly to Jersey, and all the chaos that that entails has kept me away.  Topical though, as moving plays a key part in a tale I am about to share with you:  How to cancel a gym membership!

    The Double "S" has gathered a bit of a reputation as someone who can help get friends out of a jam.  So when I had a good friend come to me and say, "Steve, how do I cancel my gym membership?", I was more than happy to help.

    That said, I have NEVER in my life experienced such stonewalling, backbiting, and outright lying from a company before.  Gyms hate you.  They REALLY hate you.  They make it so that it is next to impossible to cancel due to their incredibly restrictive terms.  It is possible to do, but you will need a lot of determination.

STRATEGY!

1.  Loophole Fish	2.  Lie

1. Find the loophole, then do whatever it takes to make it apply to you. For anyone who feels BAD about lying to a big multinational corporation that is actively trying to screw you over, please get your head checked.  You're sympathizing with the enemy, and the enemy would gladly grind your bones into flour if he could.

    Contracts are nothing more than legal documents designed to keep you from living a happy life.  A company can alter the terms and services of their agreement with you at any time, but they will hold you to every tiny clause in there if you so much as think about getting out of it.

    But there is a ray of hope here.  Because a contract requires a company to put everything into writing, they are also legally obligated to provide means of cancellation for people who cannot continue to adhere to the contract.

    Go over the contract you signed, read all the fine print.  If you don't have a copy, ask the club for one. Read every allowance they give for you to end your contract.  Determine which, if any, apply to you. There is usually an exception provided for medical issues.  If you have a trusted doctor friend, have them write something up that says you are not physically able to exercise at the gym any longer. They WILL contact the doctor to verify, so make sure Doc will vouch for you when the pressure hits.  But that's not the route I chose to go.  I decided to use their moving clause.

2. Once the loophole is found, tell whatever lies you have to in order to exercise the loophole.  The contract stated that if I moved 25 miles or more away from the club's location, I would be allowed to cancel the membership.  Now keep in mind, I personally was not actually cancelling my gym membership, I was doing this for someone else (and pretending to be them).  Someone else who wasn't actually moving.  So, as them, I lied and said I was moving.  But the gym wanted proof.  They weren't going to make this EASY.

    To prove that I had moved away, they wanted a copy of a utility bill at the new address in my name.  Going this route, you can contact a friend or relative 25+ miles away, ask them to add you to their account (cable/internet bill would likely be easiest), then send the next month's bill with your name on it to the gym's cancellations department.

    I could've done that, but there was something in this particular gym's contract that made things slightly less of a hassle.  This contract said a phone bill was also an acceptable means of proof, and they did NOT specify whether they meant a landline or a cellphone.  I had my friend contacted his carrier and ask them to change his address from the current one to another friend's (Friend Two), who lives 25+ miles away.  When the next bill was sent to Friend Two's house, he gave it to Friend One, who then faxed it to the club.  After several days of back and forth discussion, the gym finally agreed to cancel the membership.

     Nobody needed to actually move or incur any additional expense, and now the membership was cancelled.  You can use the exact same or similar methods to cancel YOUR gym membership!

    If these methods did or did not work for you, let me know!