I Have Been to the Mountaintop.
I brought back thedoubles.com because it makes me happy. It made
me less happy for a while, but those days are over. It is making
me happy again. So here I am. I'm sorry the updates are
sporadic right now. I launched my porn tube site and have been
busy with that and a million other things.
During last year's convention in Tempe, AZ, I felt a very strong urge
to
just wander off into the desert. I felt that there was
*something* out there for me. I nearly dropped
everything and just headed off into the desert. But sensibility
took hold, and I returned to the convention.
This year was different. This year, I had a plan. Looking
down imposingly on the convention is "A Mountain", so called because of
the large University of Arizona "A" that was placed there many moons
ago. I decided that this year, I was going to climb the
mountain.
Preferably with some fellow pornographers.
Pornographers however, like most criminals, are a superstitious and
cowardly lot. I asked the young, the old, the fit, and the fat,
and NOBODY took me up on my offer. Nobody wanted to climb the
mountain with me. Why? Because it's a huge freaking
mountain, and that would be HARD. They'd rather sit by the pool
and drink $5 beers. Our economy and our industry is in the trash,
porn is free and no one is doing anything to stop it, so let's just sit
around and be lazy rather than do anything or try to improve ourselves
in any way. Funk dat. I would prefer to live my life,
thanks.
Alone, and in the dark (so as to avoid the desert heat), I headed to
the mountain and made my way up. The main trail is surprisingly
steep. Someone was nice enough to add stairs to one part of the
mountain, but they are steep stairs, requiring an unnatural gait.
I climbed and climbed and climbed as fast as I could, knowing that
fatigue and the imposing height of the mountain would do me in if I
stopped to think about it for too long.
And you know what? I scaled that mountain in like twenty
minutes. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't nearly as daunting as
everyone was making it out to be. If you just bum rush that
sucker, take it head on and OWN it, it's nothing. Yet *everyone I
talked to* refused to even consider climbing it. Think about that
for a second. If I said to somebody, "Hey, want to go for a 20
minute walk with me?", I probably would've gotten a few people to
go.
But, "Hey, want to climb that mountain?", everybody runs screaming.
What was holding them back? Fear. Fear of the big bad, the
unknown, of what could go wrong. We all have that fear. But
this particular day, I fought back and took charge. In no time at
all, I was on top of a mountain, getting a text from a developer of one
of my side projects that things were progressing nicely. I was
feeling GREAT. It helped that I had hooked up with somebody, too,
but that just cemented it. I was on top, and everyone else was
down there. Where they belong.
Climbing back down, and in the days since, I've thought a lot about
what the whole experience meant. Again, it was a 20 minute
ascent. An episode of Family Guy lasts longer. But being on
top, seeing fear for the puny man behind the curtain that it was, has
been incredibly empowering. If you thought I didn't care before,
you should see me now.
I believe that I'm really coming into my element lately. Doing
what I want, on my terms, while still holding down a job. This
whole desert experience was the clearest example yet of something I've
often believed in: You can do pretty much whatever your heart
desires, and nobody can stop you unless you let them. Nobody can
stop you because everyone else *sucks* and you are *awesome*.
About 99% of the world is full of s***ty human beings. Everyone
is completely pathetic. They're scared of a mountain that's not
even half a mile high. Are you going to let people like that tell
you what to do? Are you going to let whiners and naysayers direct
your life?
And please don't get me wrong, I am NOBODY. I just happen to have
internalized the knowledge that if I want to do something, I can just
do it. Anybody at all can!
For added fun, start calling shots like you're Babe Ruth. I did
that the other day, when my credit card company had mistakenly jacked
up my APR to 19.99%, and the supervisor I was talking to refused to
lower it. He was giving me some garbage excuse, and I told him,
"Just because you say it's true doesn't actually make it true. I
know, in my heart I know, there is someone who can right this wrong for
me, and it's not you. I'm going to find them. Mark, (his
name was Mike, but I kept calling him "Mark" to p*** him off) do me a
favor, watch my account over the next few days. Bookmark it, flag
it, whatever you need to do. Watch as the APR goes back to
5.9%. Watch, as I get a hold of somebody who can fix this.
Then, maybe, for once in your life, you'll start to realize that there
are greater possibilities out there than what you perceive. This
shall be my gift to you."
Of course, my APR didn't get lowered to 5.9%. The CEO's executive
assistant felt so bad for what happened that she lowered it to
4.9%. I hope Mark was watching. sex mp3
Main Page